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Vikings are the sexiest team in the NFL!
By Viking Visionary | April 30, 2008
WARNING! Content of this blog post not suitable for small children or serious fans looking for serious commentary.
In the past, the only vibe going around Winter Park was the “culture of accountability.” Yawn. No wonder the team narrowly avoided multiple blackouts last year. However, it looks like the Minnesota Vikings are giving themselves a facelift. The new approach? Trying to spice up the team and give Purple some sex appeal! That’s right - the Minnesota Vikings are now the sexiest team in the league.
How exactly did the Purple undergo this shocking transformation worthy of the reality TV show ‘Extreme Makeover’? It started with robbing the Kansas City Chiefs of their best player, DE Jared Allen. You can talk all you want about how Allen fills a huge hole on the defensive line and that he will turn the 20th ranked D into a top 5 unit, but that’s not the real reason they brought him in. The truth is, Allen makes the Vikings a far sexier team. How? His jersey number. Jared Allen’s jersey is going to be in huge demand in Minnesota and all around the country. Prowling college co-eds will wear it to the club. Celebrities will wear it when they visit the Playboy Mansion. Heck, you’ll probably see Hugh Hefner in one! And all because Allen sports the number 69 on his jersey. Check out the sexiest defensive line in football!
But the Vikings weren’t done there. After all, the offense needed a hormone injection too. So the front office pounced on the chance to select a quarterback out of USC in the fifth round of the draft, but not because he is familiar with the West Coast Offense, is as sharp as a Cutco knife and can rifle the football with pin-point accuracy. No, the Vikes drafted the kid because his very name makes hearts race and palms sweaty from lustful tension. John David Booty will put yearning teenage girls in the stands even if he never gets off the bench. In fact, it won’t even hurt ticket sales if starting quarterback Tarvaris Jackson struggles. The phrase “booty call” will just take on a whole new meaning. I know plenty of guys who would go to the game just to hear an entire stadium chanting “Booty! Booty!”
Move over Brad and Angelina. The Minnesota Vikings have brought together the sexiest couple of playas since Joe Namath played with… Joe Namath. We will most likely see the new trend take the league by storm, and because the NFL is a copycat league, everyone will try to follow suit. Next thing you know, Jerry Jones is going to petition the league to let Jessica Simpson hike the ball to Tony Romo while wearing a modified short-skirt-jersey, and Tom Brady will attempt to impregnate a new supermodel every Sunday before the opening kickoff.
In other news, the Daily Norseman got a facelift too! I’ve always liked dark themes…can you tell? Purple Kool-Aid does a nice little analysis to show just how little we actually gave up for Jared Allen. The Ragnarok makes us feel even better about the UDFA’s we picked up, and Kissing Suzy Kolber posts a great video of a local weather man getting very “excited” about the Jared Allen trade. Yikes.
Want to sport the jersey of one of the new Vikings sex symbols and hope it rubs off on you? Here you go… I will put up a link to the Booty jersey when it becomes available.
Topics: Coaching Staff and Ownership, NFL Draft, Stadium, Vikings |
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
Not sure if it’s the sexiest… but will sure be the sweetest team. I almost feel sorry for arron rodgers… D-Line. Wine ‘em, Dine ‘em. Sixty-Nine ‘em!!!
May 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
LOL…yeah, I feel kinda sorry for Rodgers, too. He’s going to be suffering through the “Favre is God” celebration all day, then he’s going to be trying to throw passes while laying flat on his back! Poor fella! (He he he)